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Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
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If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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